Oh, hai, blog. It's been awhile. I meant to come back to you with a few super cool art projects I did with Squishy; but, then I logged on facebook. The art projects will have to wait.
When I first got facebook as a bright eyed and bushy tailed college freshman in the Fall of 2005 I was smitten. I could make new friends from my new school. I could keep in contact with all my friends from high school. It was glorious. Everyone was looking for rides home or talking about the music they were listening to. There were no obnoxious memes. There were no creepers from god knows where trying to add you.
Then facebook exploded. Everyone and their mom, including mine, got one. It was still cool, albeit a little less of a community feel. I was able to share my picks from our trip to Dublin easily with everyone. I was able to announce our engagement and hit everyone important, except grandma, in one quick post. It was still cool.
But then things started to change. You added everyone you knew and you felt bad if you deleted someone. If you deleted someone, it CLEARLY meant you despised them, even if you really didn't. People started posting politically memes. Some of them were obviously false, and snopes confirmed it; but, still you stayed silent. Maybe you start to despise facebook. Maybe you start to see that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Maybe it makes you start hating some people because of the uneducated shit you post, but you don't want to delete them because outside of the book, you really like them.
That's where I stand now. I fucking HATE facebook. I can't delete it though. Not yet. See, I have anxiety and phone calls are the devil. I hate talking on the phone. It is the worst. I'm okay on the phone with my mom, and that's about it. I don't even like talking on the phone to my own husband. I do not do well because I can't see you and I can't read your face and end up assuming I'm boring and you hate me.! Yay! So facebook is perfect because I can actually communicate...except I don't. I don't talk to anyone. Ever. I'm the worst. You email me, I can do that. You text me, A+ much like. You skype me, pretty good unless my children are squirrels. My friendships have suffered. But with facebook I can at least pretend we're still friends and stalk you from afar!
What tipped me over the edge you ask? Well, the picture of the little boy from Syria who drowned a few weeks back. I'm not going to describe it, or post it, it's easy to find and I can't see it anymore. When I saw it, I sobbed. I just want to pick up his little body and hold him close to my heart and snuggle him. My Squishy is the same age as him and I can't even begin to fathom the heartache his father feels after losing his wife and two children.
I've also thought a lot about the father who is selling pens to provide for his two children. Just regular pens. Someone took a picture of him trying to sell pens while his young daughter slept in his arm.
Then... I log into facebook. I see multiple posts about how the president is just allowing the refugees into our country to create a massive network of terrorists. Or how they're all wealthy and are clearly just using an excuse to come to our country. Yeah. If anyone bothered to step outside there xenophobic bubble they'd see this is a global crisis, but fuck that. Merica! Bald eagles! Fear of foreigners!
It's becoming toxic to see that kind of shit. It hurts my heart and makes me hate people a little more everyday. Even if I know it's out of ignorance, and not true hatred, it still weighs on me.
Right now I need facebook to help me figure out what the heck is going on with my high school reunion, but I'm thinking about moving away from that platform afterwards. Use this blog, or another that I can password protect, to update people about my family. I need to look out for me and I'm really sick of hating everyone.