Fair warning: Any negative comments will be deleted. And there's a good chance this post will be deleted in a bit since it doesn't fit into what I try to keep on my blog, but I really need to type it out for myself right now :)
I have always been quick with my emotions. I feel things very intensely and hubby says I carry them close to the surface. I get my feelings hurt easily, I feel deeply for others, I worry about everyone. I can also be incredibly joyful and giddy and child like.
I am having a very hard time with the amount of blatant biogotry I'm inundated with on social media. And, me being the way I am, I have a hard time with stupid and feel the need to comment and get riled up.
In particular, I'm having trouble with all the hate towards Muslims. If I see "not all muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims" one more time I might explode. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
As someone who got her degree in Child Development and has two children of her own, I have an especially hard time with the stories about the children. The story about the Syrian refugee (same age as Squishy) who drowned trying to get to a safe place has stuck with me for months. Then last week I saw a story about a mass grave found. Over a thousand people. Including toddlers and their toys. My heart breaks for them and I've taken enough time to educate myself to know why they are fleeing and why it's not so easy to "just fight back".
Now since the devestating Paris attacks, many Americans have found a new found vigor for saying no one can come here. When I asked whether families should just stay and die, many told me I should take my children to the Middle East and die. That we are more important that them. That our lives are more important than them.
I don't believe that. I don't believe I am any better than those people and I can't imagine being turned away if the tables were turned. It's like no one cares to remember history. To the horrors Christians have committed in the name of God.
We look back on past genocides in horror, yet so many just want to ignore this one. Why? Why are people so hateful and fueled by fear?
I know I can't change anyones opinion. That no matter how eloquently I voice the truth, they don't care.
It makes my heart hurt so badly that people can be so fearful as to turn the other cheek. When someone said we should let them come and put them in camps I wanted to scream! That never ends well. EVER! Does no one understand history?
Right now the plan is for my girls to receive a classical education that focuses heavily on history and literature from around the world. Instead of just studying California first, they'll learn about the world starting right away. I just hope I can help them to see that the world is bigger than just America and that the people out there are good people too. We are all just people on a planet. There are bad people; but, the good still out weigh the bad.
I've also just been hurting and longing to find a way to help. Tonight I finally decided I'm going to skip Christmas this year. The only thing I really want is out of our budget for now so instead I asked hubby not to buy me anything more and instead anything we would have spent can go to a charity working directly to help the refugees. I don't need new foundation or Uggs that badly. I do need to feel like I'm helping that badly.
I'm also seriously debating deactivating social media through the holidays. If I do, I'll update the blog more frequently. While I can read the news stories with an aching heart, they don't cause as much pain as the vitriol from my neighbors and a few facebook friends. I just can't handle it. Right now I'm sad for the world and feeling dark. I don't want to feel that way.